Contact Form Fishing Follow-Up Fail

O-oh. The latest in a consistently disappointing string of BDev outreach attempts duly lands in my inbox.

I noticed that you previously provided your contact details on our website, but unfortunately, despite many attempts, we weren't able to connect with you.
I understand that your time is valuable, but I would love to have a quick call to learn more about your specific [product category description] needs and how we can help.
Would you be available for a call this week or next?

That ᴄᴛᴀ emboldened line, the author's own sign-off highlight.

Which is but one of plenty misplaced selling facets.

Who's helping these people? They've a traditionally tough job, being made tougher without proper guidance.

There's also been no such "many attempts". I hate that rubbish. One sole email received. From an office on the other side of the world to today's sender. Eighteen months prior. Which was, if possible, even worse than this one. Expecting me to fill-in a nine-box questionnaire, to see if they then deign to speak down to me.

I realise there's both art and science in crafting these approaches. Of the acres of supposed insight into them I've read, often promising staggeringly attractive super-response rates of grateful prospects, I can't single out any that have delivered.

You take bits from here and there. Constantly refine. Hoping you keep to the client-facing path. Which the above is miles away from.

My time is valuable, yes, so happy to read you'd love a quick call with me, and your interest in learning about me is humbling, especially given the banality of your [product category description] for which if you can, help would be wonderful.

Or not.

Absolutely not.

Even with the 'alternative close' at the end there, hey. Thanks for making sure I couldn't miss it. At least they didn't use the tactic of sending me a blank calendar to fix a slot in.

Please tell me your intro mails don't look anywhere near this.

update

72hrs later...

Just wanted to quickly follow up on my previous email about [my company's] [product category description] solutions for [mailmerge attempt at my identity]. I understand that things can get lost in the inbox, and I wanted to make sure our offer didn't slip through the cracks.
If you're interested in learning more about how we can help streamline [product category description] processes, please let me know. I'm happy to set up a quick call at your convenience.