Sales 'Elf 'n Safety

I received this amongst the usual festive season spam from pals.

A request was made for Christmas decorations in the office, please follow the guidelines below:
• Do not bring electrical equipment on site. Any lights or unapproved electrical goods will be confiscated.
• Do not stand on chairs or desks or overstretch to reach that awkward area. If you are placing decorations at height please call 6363 and ask for assistance.
• Please do not stick decorations to the ceiling tiles as they are not fixed and may move.
• Please do not cover important signage or safety instructions.
• Care should be taken to ensure that decorations do not come into contact with electrical equipment. Any decorations thought to be causing a fire hazard will be removed.
• Adhesive tape should not be used on wallpaper.
• To avoid damage to the protective film please do not affix decorations to the windows

And we all tut-tut at the rise of such pedants, and their obsession with ridiculous rules.

And everyday many of us face restricting parallels…

From Your Sales Prevention Dept

It has come to our attention that some of you would like to ‘sell’ something as the year draws to a close. Please follow the guidelines below:
• Do not issue any proposal or pricing without our written consent.
• Do not visit any potential client unaccompanied by a member of our department. Requests for such resource must be submitted via our online form at least seven days in advance and we shall try to get back to you before the period-end.
• Please do not sell our latest product, as we have decided we prefer the older ones.
• Please do not allow any prospect to see the service before they sign-up.
• Care should be taken to ensure every potential client pays up front for all items as only then shall we authorise delivery.
• Discounting should not be used under any circumstances.
• To avoid broken promises, do not make any promises about our wares.

You know the kind of thing, hey…?!