Things I Can't Say Out Loud In Meetings

Yes, 'tis the season for office-based novelty gifts. The kind of thing as shown above doubtless abounds in the You Don't Have To Be Mad To Work Here But It Helps mould.

Remarkably, this 2023 released, 110-page notebook was one of 40 Secret Santa recommendations from the behemoth that is dailymailonline. From Amazon for seven quid no less.

Afoot every right-hand page sits a 'snarky, funny phrase' for the workplace. Here's seven samples of that which must stay unsaid;

I'd agree with you, but then we'd both be wrong
Yet another meeting that didn't EVEN need to be an email!
MUST USE: "That sounds very forward thinking..." Translation for: "That sounds like the craziest idea ever!"
To do: write a list of diplomatic phrases that say, "No, I'm not doing that!"
MUST USE: "That is very interesting..." Translation for: "That is clearly ridiculous!"
I'm not stubborn, my way is just better
I'm having a severe case of deja vu

Although I do believe I've heard these said out loud in meetings...

I'm reminded of the bingo cards that got passed round back in the day. Given a new 'buzzword' lease of life when zoom calls took over in 2020. Crossing off the likes of 'avoiding the issue', 'not asking for opinions', 'putting off a decision'.

There is though a worthwhile corollary to this office gallows humour.

What do we absolutely not want to crop up in the minds of our colleagues in a meeting with us? And especially, what must never enter the heads of prospects in our Sales meetings?

Anything that touches on the likes of  'there's no structure here', 'the competition's are so more interesting', and 'why am I here?' is very bad.

And to re-visit the original source, we can also make our own similar list. Only this ten below, is for thoughts that you really ought actually say, out loud.

What's this meeting about?
If we're not all here, then let's reconvene another time
Why is this meeting not an email?
What would our customer say?
Okay, take a breath
How does this help long-term?
Have we answered the question we set out to address?
Shall we take a vote?
Well, let's now wrap this up ahead of time
We'll slate this forum for half the time in future

A festive sanity check of how your meetings are viewed could prove most useful.