Satan Goes Old School


Found myself at some pearly gates.

Weird place.

Didn’t feel real, obvs.

Some old chap, perhaps with a long white beard, to a background of harps, told me it was my time.


He saw I looked puzzled.

So offered to show me inside.

If I didn’t like the look of it, I could check out ‘the other place’, downstairs…

Head duly popped in, it did appear all rather boring.

No energy, no buzz, no action.

So went to give the competition the once over.

A lad with red horns greeted me with a knowing grin.

He showed me party central.

What a place.

Where better to spend eternity?

So out of courtesy, I went back upstairs to inform them.

Thanks, but no thanks.

Upon returning, I opened the door with horror.

Wails, moans, cries.

People in shackles in pain everywhere.

What in hell’s name is going on?

I demanded mister glowing-red-face tell me straight.

“Well, earlier you were a prospect, yet now, you’re a customer”

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