Swapping Groans For Moans

Been reading quite a few mags now that I’ve a bit of R&R downtime on my hands during Cape Town’s Spring evenings.  Reluctantly I was drawn to Men’s Health.  Lazily thumbing through, realising what I was invited to read could have been taken from any edition over the 10 Year span this particular one was celebrating, an article by an Ian Kerner appeared.  After one of his seemingly numerous pieces on how to make one’s self irresistible to women, there was a table claiming to show the results of asking 500 ladies what mid-day emails really turn them on from a newish beau.

Perhaps unsurprisingly, the lowest scorers (‘groan guarantees’) were the obvious crude statements; “What’s your record for orgasms? I want to break it”, “Let’s skip dinner and go to bed, I have something to show you” & “What was it like when you were on top? Immediate reply requested”.

And then the two highest marks (on their ‘moanometer’) were in fact pretty cool:

• “I can still taste you.  And I’m hungry again”, along with
• “Can’t work.  Keep thinking about how great you look when you laugh”

And that got me thinking.  Like when I talk with my mates about how brilliant women are at texting, as we take ages to craft an apparently perfect SMS in the early stages of a relationship, yet they reply instantly with something knocking us off our axis :-~

Inevitably, my thoughts turned to selling.  Surely there’s an analogy here.  How many of my prospect emails veer too near to the groaning end of the scale, not close enough to induce a satisfied moan at the desired end?

Lamentably perhaps too many.  I can see that when penning my mails in future, it could pay to endeavour to talk less of instant ‘crude’ gratification (‘making you a quick gazillion and spanking your competition, mister customer’) and be more emotional (‘supporting your exciting project and helping turn your passion into success’).  Just a thought….