The Disneyland Close

I hope you are not (tap)dancing to this tune. Could almost be a scene out of Tin Men. It arrives via a Nineties unethical home security salesteam around Los Angeles.

You get a sense for the culture of said outfit from stories of how they handled objections from pensioners. Like when one such couple declined due to having recently installed windows bars from elsewhere. The instruction was to state they were in fact were useless. “Tell them that a burglar would cut through them in ten seconds, they may as well be balsa wood.”

There was a three-day cooling-off period in the small print. The last thing a salesperson wanted was for them to read through it after they’d signed and then when you’re back in the office, change their mind.

So they did what they termed their “tap dance through the disclaimer”.

The idea being to talk the prospect through the fine print. After explaining that specific, thorny cancellation clause, the seller would explicitly ask, “is there anything you’re not completely happy with now before you sign?”

With everything put to bed, the ‘clincher’ routine followed.

Once signed up, you’d say, “thanks a lot as I now hit my special target, can I use your phone please and call my wife?”

You’d then make like you were phoning your wife. But it was actually just the office.

“Hello, Darling. Yes, I made my number. Tell the kids they’re going to Disneyland!”

After putting the phone down, thank the client again, adding an emphatic “the kids are soooo excited!”

Apparently no-one cancelled after hearing such an exchange….